Let’s talk.

Sometimes life does kinda suck.

Don’t get me wrong, I love it for the most part. I try not to take my life for granted and I live each day in such a way that before I go to bed I can reflect on it and be proud of something I accomplished.

But sometimes things happen, and they suck, but it’s a part of life as well.

Today I want to talk about my heart. I know I am prone to being way passionate about one thing, then mellow as time goes on. My friends will probably vouch for this as being one of many flaws in my character. I think the only thing I have been passionate about that I have maintained the same energy for is my service in the military. Well, I must confess… I think my passion for Let is finally on the wane. I feel like a rotten human being for admitting this, but this is the reality. Maybe I am a rotten human being for feeling this way, but I guess in this case I am rotten not for changing my mind, but for not being able to see this coming from the outset. I’m going to have to carefully deconstruct my relationship with Let. I just want to be friends.

GAH! I can’t believe I thought that! I hate those words, and I hated it when the girls would tell me that back in high school. Let’s face facts, ladies and gents… I have chased, and I have been rejected… alot. Then for the past few years I stopped really chasing, because I lost hope in myself. I had nothing to be proud of at the time, or so I thought.

But I don’t know… these days I have what I would hope to be considered a healthy amount of self-pride. I guess it’s because now I feel like I’m doing something with my life. That pride is finding its way into other aspects of my life, and my outlook on life is no exception. Instead of thinking “I can’t”, I think in terms of “I can.”

So here’s the spillover…. “I can”… find a girl that’s a better match for me. In my discussions with my girl, I’ve come to the conclusion that she is going to try to like whatever I like. I think that after talking with a girl for 6 months straight I should know alot about her, but all I know is that she loves me and will support whatever I want to do. But I think our relationship is too much focused on me–TJ. And I find it curious how she will try whatever I do, but has not yet suggested anything that she wanted me to try.

I dunno. I think our relationship lacked depth. The more I think about it, the more over I realize I am this girl… which sucks. But like I said, I guess this is one of those sucky parts of life.

I dunno. I’ll probably be sad for a while, because I hate to be the dumper. But time marches on, and I need to look forward to what’s next.

I feel awful.

-TJ