Why do I do this? Click here to comment

Man… so last night something happened… [fast-forward]… then when I tried going back to sleep my brain started thinking about the people I work with, and how most of them are screwing around all the time and not doing things correctly. So my frustrated brain let slip a thought: “Why the hell am I working so hard when I’m the only one in my workcenter doing so? It’s not fair, and I think I’m not going to care so much anymore.” Something to that extent.

And then I prayed to God, thanked Him for everything he’s given me so far, and I did what I thought Jesus Christ would want me to do… trust in Him that all will be well. So I prayed that I would leave my problems to Him, that I’m sorry for all my sins, and asked for help to become the man that He wants me to be when I wake up.

So I guess my prayer was answered shortly before I awoke today… I had a very vivid dream. I was in “the battlefield”, which was a house demolished by weapons fire, and we were in a jungle. I was carrying a tiny 5-year-old girl out of the house, to my supervisor, a sergeant of some sort. I was holding her by the armpits, like when a man is changing a baby (not his) for the first time. I asked him, “What do we do?” Referring to the little girl I was carrying in my arms. Sergeant replied, “Not much”

Somehow, she was suddenly wounded, but it was as if she had been wounded when I found her and I just didn’t notice. Her breathing was eratic, like she was panicked and dying. I didn’t know what else to do, so I kissed her on the forehead and started cradling her in my arms, like a mother would rock her baby to sleep.

Then she started talking. She looked at me and said “It’s like having a father for free.” Then she said some more stuff, I can’t really remember anymore what, and then she tucked herself into my chest and started praying, thanking God for that moment. It was so sad… she laid a hand on my chest and held onto my shirt for a moment, and as she finished her last words she slowly buried her face into my chest, and I felt her hand go limp.

Halfway between the waking dream and the dreaming wake, I thought/prayed “God, thanks for the reminder. This is why I’m here.” And I awoke.

This is why I’m here. This is why I fight. Lord knows I’m not here to kill anyone, I just want to save the world. I guess when I lose focus, this is how He talks to me, and I remember what I’m doing and why I need to keep going. I need to fight this fight, to do my thing, because other people depend on me. Not just my brothers and sisters in arms, but the people we serve, and even the people we don’t. So here I am, a man refreshed, my goal re-set in my mind.

Time to save some lives.

-TJ