Scribing mental note…

I need to jot this down before it fades away…

::begin note::

I think I’ve spent alot of my past few years shunning filipinos. All through high school hardly any of my friends were pinoy, even though we had quite a large population in my school. Throughout college I didn’t make any filipino friends… I guess deep down I thought I was better than them for some stupid reason.

And now here I am, in my real and present life as a wearer of the military uniform, and for the first time I’m discovering a contingent of filipinos on base that I was allowed to stumble upon by the grace of God. It started out as a volunteer opportunity, but for some reason I feel like I’ve found something else.

I guess the thing that stands out in my mind the most is how these people I just met haven’t tried to use me yet. Or maybe it’s just one of many voids I have in my being that’s finally being fulfilled… contact with my own people. It’s kinda cool, and yet a sweet sadness is present within… I look at these people, and I can kinda understand what they say… I guess I’m trying to say that I feel like I belong there and yet I feel like I don’t. Story of my life, eh?

God, what *am* I trying to say? I guess the core of it is that I’ve found something–I don’t know what–and I hope that I can continue to feed my soul the way that I have been during the past few weeks.

::end note::

Anyway, that’s all I can muster on that. I’ve noticed that when I jot down these notes, they tend to evoke other thoughts and feelings that I want to put down here, and that they do not necessarily follow a “stream”, as in a stream of consciousness that I have been following this whole time. My mind is all over the place… friends and family know that I will analyze and overanalyze things. I guess my noggin is hyperactive in this sense, I’ll watch and process and re-process while I continue to watch what happens before me until a massive, swirling vortex of thought overwhelms me and I cease to pay attention to what’s happening around me any longer… it sounds stupid but this is an actual problem I have.

This only happens when I’m left to myself for a while. So it follows logically that I need to get out more.

-TJ