Military Email says: “Please meet at the rotunda at 1530 for SrA Olaes’s promotion ceremony. Cake and punch will be provided”
Translation: “Please meet at the rotunda at 1530 to smack the shit out of SrA Olaes’s new stripes”
Yeah… my arm isn’t usually that big. It’s all good. 
-TJ
Hey all.
I’m looking for a song called “Trying Girls Out” from The Persuaders. If you find it somewhere like itunes or whatever, please let me know. Thanks.
-TJ
One of the cool thing about having a hyperactive mind that constantly analyzes my memories (and then analyzes my analyses) is that once in a blue moon, I’m blessed with a comforting thought of at least one thing that I know I should be and am thankful for. That single thought right now is how lucky I am to have such awesome parents, blessed with a non-materialistic gauge to success. Happiness for my family is when you see the people you love are happy. My parents are proud of me, whatever I do. They stick by me when I have problems that are big or awkward or whatever, and they tell me how proud they are of me whenever I do something great.
I hope I can learn that sense of center, that balance of spirit, where in giving you feel like you receive… I have alot of it right now, but they have it perfect, whereas I still have my own selfish tendencies.
Lord God, please give me the strength and capability to align my gauge of happiness not to how many toys I have, friends I hang out with, or girls that fall for me, but in the happiness of others. Help me to learn to care for other people and make them happy, and in doing so enhance my own peace of mind.
-TJ
Oh yeah. I didn’t end up doing anything crazy this weekend. I spent my entire Saturday afternoon and better part of the evening working through Metroid Prime 2 (I just unlocked the bog temple, go me!), and was gonna hang out with some friends but got lazy and decided to bum it in my room instead. I’ll have to apologize tomorrow… it’s only the right thing to do.
And one more “one more thing”… one of my best friends (I have like 6 of them, and they’re all tied for first place) suggested I make a mantra for when my mind starts doing that psycho-feedback thing, like when I start thinking and thinking about what I’m thinking and start to panic about certain situations, which of late have been focused more-or-less solely on the K16M-L. I used to have a mantra for anger, where I’d put my fingers to my forehead. I got this from puzzle fighter, believe it or not, when my friend told me about the one character Hsien-ko that uses a paper seal to stop herself from going ape-shit when fighting. It’s kinda silly, but it worked, and lately I don’t really remember a time where I’ve been truly angry. I’ve been stressed before, and I’ve yelled once or twice in the office, but I’ve never been really truly angry.
Anyway, I gotta think of a mantra. It’s important, especially for those times when my thoughts seem to just run away from me, as that bullshit usually eats up an entire weekend, as it did this one.
Anyway, time for bed, or there’ll be hell to pay tomorrow morning when I try to wake up.
-TJ
Whooh!
Networkeleven’s server crapped out, so I was without a website and email for a good while. I panicked, and started redirecting nameservers and establishing plans to make the move over to racknine, but it looks like that will be put off for another [insert a time unit that's long enough to be comparable to "indefinitely"] now that I’m back online and being my usual egotistical self.
-TJ
Cursed with a hyperactive mind, relentlessly calculating all possibilities that are constantly changing every second I decide to sit here or get up and go outside.
I see a computer screen. I see a reason for me to sit here and make myself occupied writing about what I’m seeing. I see a reason not to walk out the door and drive somewhere. I see a cause for not meeting anyone new today. I see the light on my network switch blinking rapidly… each second that passes is one moment less I have out in the sunlight.
bah.
You know what eases my mind? Being around people. It’s a catch-22 for me, though, because I think I’m one weird motherfucker, people might find me strange at first. Like, scary strange. And I’d think I’d be used to it by now but I’m not. I deflate when I’m near people, and I’m being engaged. Deflate as in de-stress, de-acting-weird, de-paranoy. I want to find a few friends and a pool, and I want to float in that pool for a good hour or two, not caring about anything, not worrying about having to impress anyone. I want to talk about my hopes and dreams for the world, not so much for myself. I need to start addressing all my issues.
But here I am… staring at this computer screen. What am I accomplishing? I need this, I know that much. I need to vent, even if no one can hear me. But my problems remain. There’s a fire that’s driving me mad, I want to work.
I need to get out of this room for a bit. I’m going insane being here by myself. It’s so quiet. It’s always quiet. I hate it.
-TJ
No developments on any front.
Work’s been a bear. All week I’ve been staying past closing time, getting called out. I’ve pulled standby before, but I don’t ever remember it being this bad. I can’t quite say what the problems or what times I’ve gone out, but let’s just say that I don’t feel like I’ve been off duty since last Friday. This motherfucker needs a break.
Thankfully tomorrow is my last day of this bullshit, and pending some good fortune I’ll be able to enjoy a work-free 3-day weekend coming up.
It’s pretty fucked up for me… last few days the only human contact I’ve really had was all work-related. I call my friend J back home in CA often to whine about little bullshit, but that’s getting old for me (Sorry J)… when I whine, I only remind myself of my problems, and that just makes it worse.
God… it’s already past 8PM. I just got home a while ago. I’m gonna go to sleep soon, and when I wake up it’s time to go back to work. Fuck. I really, really need this Friday off.
I have no idea what I want to do this weekend. I’m gonna try to do something crazy.
-TJ