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I am lucky Click here to comment

I was driving home today and I got a mental tap, most likely from God, that I need to count my blessings. That notion, like all notions that get seeded into my brain, evolved and now instead of doing just a simple list of all the things I am thankful for, I want to write down all the good things and “bad” things (bad things are still good things in my book) that happened to me that I can remember at this point in time… I sometimes think that my outlook is cheery because I’ve never had any major obstacles to hurdle in my lifetime, at least none compared to other more interesting people I’ve met or my parents’.

Anyway, I am thankful for…

  • Mom and Dad. No one has the answer to every conceivable question in the world, but when I look for answers to questions and problems I simply can’t resolve on my own, I look to my parents. I hope that when the time comes for me to be a father, I can provide for my children the same fountain of knowledge and rock-solid support that my parents gave me growing up. Because I know you, I am lucky.
  • Lawrence, Kyuu Hee, Alvin, Janet, Alex, Scott. Good friends all. Whenever I need a different point of view, I turn to one of the above named people to find a different way to see things. Because I know you, I am lucky.
  • Sarah. I know we just met, but… well, I can put it most succinctly in the following terms: I try to think outside of the box, but you make me think outside of the box that’s outside of my box. Because I know you, I am lucky.
  • People who have done me wrong (Irving Sarreal, Ryan Lynch). Wounds heal. Scars fade. The memory and circumstance of those scars do not go away. I am especially thankful to know these people, because they are negative examples of how to go about living life. I learned from Irving, my uncle by blood, that I should not pursue a goal too intently, at the cost of more important things such as family, friends, my own values, my good name, trust granted only to family members, and so much more that I cannot summon to mind at the moment. From Ryan, I learned that respect cannot be commanded, only earned, and I strive to earn the respect of my peers through patience, diligence, and mutual respect for those peers. Because I know you, I am lucky.
  • The person who applied for that credit line with Chase under my name. I have no idea who you are, but you have reinforced within me faith in “the system”, faith in keeping my values, and faith in always being honest. I’m learning to fend for myself with regards to repairing my good name. I don’t really “know” you, but I know you’re out there, and for this I am lucky.

As for other things I’m lucky to be/have, I’m thankful I’m:

  • Not poor
  • (overly?) self-aware
  • Not addicted
  • Not arrogant
  • healthy
  • happy

And finally, here is what I need to do because of all that I have…

  • Finish out the rest of my contract with the USAF in a manner that will make me proud I was once a member of the world’s finest Air Force.
  • Build the website for WHS 1998… the reunion is coming up, and I still want to explore making that non-profit organization in the footsteps of CNHS 1966, my father’s high school alumni organization that, among other things, makes scholarships available to aspiring students in the Philippines. I think it would be awesome if my class could rally together to do something extraordinary like that.
  • Build up my own website. I tend to internalize (thanks most recently to Sarah for pointing this out), and by process of this Blog I can get all the little odds and ends squared away, as they are currently scampering around in the recesses of my cerebellum like so many little tiny hamsters in one gigantic maze.
  • Build up the connection portal for people with the last name of Olaes… that was really the initial vision of me having “Olaes.net”, instead of it being a website all about just one Olaes, namely myself.
  • Build up the elected official voting record application. This is something I need to do, as it will be how I tie myself into our political system. I want to get involved, and I think this is the best way for me.

And also, I can’t forget about the smaller but no-less-important things. I need to be a better friend, a better listener, a better son, a better brother. Alot of people say I tend to be hard on myself, but I’m afraid that if I ever became complacent and stopped trying to work out my flaws, I would cease to grow. I would stop taking advantage of the precious little time I have on this earth, instead just squandering it on God knows what because I would no longer care to take the time to be a better person. I would die. So for as long as I breathe, I will always be working to improve myself, as the world deserves no less than a person who tries to be the best he can be, each and every moment of each and every day.

I will rest when I’m dead.

-TJ

First semi-real post. Click here to comment

So.

I’ve been told by a rapidly-becoming-good friend of mine that I’m paranoid and I think too much. Of course… this isn’t news to me, as I’ve been told by even my best friends that I am (A) paranoid, and (B) think too much. (Lawrence, Kyuu Hee, Janet…) I can’t help it! (Or can I?) Days that I have to myself, I am left mostly to myself. I live alone in a barely-occupied dormitory (120 rooms, less than 20 residents). I hate being alone, not hearing any music or anyone doing anything near me, so I spend my downtime downtown, programming and just watching people in general.

So now I’m realizing that I’m in a funk. I’ve recently begun inquiring about violin lessons, and I think I will re-learn to play. Lord knows I could use an outlet for that aspect of creativity, as I certainly am not having it via blogging or programming something that’s not mine.

Have I mentioned I hate being by myself? Thinking about it… I think I’ve posted this exact topic just a few weeks ago in the old blog. Oh, speaking of “blog”, welcome to the new one. I’m gonna just use Blogger because, as I was saying to Alvin, it’s already out there, already established, and does what I need it to do, which is blog and post to my website.

Anyway, back to the inane babble in my brain. I think I need to queue up some right-brain things for me to look into, like good books to read for the sake of reading, music to listen to for the sake of listening to music, and things that I have been overlooking for the sake of doing other things with more apparent concrete returns (like working out, coding, learning about .NET, etc.). I find myself stumbling over basic words in normal conversation, and that disturbs me quite a bit.

Ooh… before I forget, I need to terminate this post and start the one I was thinking about while I was driving home today from the cafe.

-TJ

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