WOOOT Click here to comment
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
*downloads entire old website from N11*
-TJ
Jesus would play RTS? No. Click here to comment
Would Jesus play this RTS? I don’t think so.
Forbes.com - What Would Jesus Play?
Making sense of this. Click here to comment
There are only two things in this world that I have problems with… evil intent, and female emotions. Strange bedfellows, as one is obviously not similar to the other in most cases. Of the two, I think the former I have a better time dealing with than the latter.
So in the time between placing the period down for the last sentence and pressing shift+’s’ to start this one, I processed the following thoughts:
- Damn it… why do I always pick girls with some kind of baggage that prevents them from being with me?
- Get a grip, jackass. No one likes listening to a whiner. You’ll be okay, just walk it off, and don’t quit. You hear me?
- Phew… that’s right, I’m being a whiner, and it’s not like this hasn’t happened to me before. I’ll be okay.
- What am I posting about, then?
So what am I posting about, then? I guess I just needed to vent my sentence of whine so I can get over what has transpired between myself and the lady I’ve been talking to over the last few days (hereafter assigned with the designation of “P”).
Unfortunately for me I do tend to fall easily for a girl that I’m interested in. To my credit, I don’t think I meet too many girls that interest me… so I suppose there’s a sort of balance that prevents me from truly wearing my heart on my sleeve.
Guh. Anyway, when I get like this I disgust myself. The last time (about a month, now, I believe) I felt like this, it was slightly different because for some dumb reason I kept worrying about what she thought of me, when in reality I really had nothing to worry about because there literally was nothing to worry about… there was nothing. Today, there is not nothing, and as I automatically calculate possible outcomes I feel as if there could have been a good chance for us if it were not for certain circumstances and events that have recently transpired. In short, the stars were not lined up for this to happen, at least not for now.
So what now? First, I need to figure out how I can get less passionate about a girl I’m interested in. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to me, as I feel that if I can’t be passionate about a girl I’m interested in, then I must not be interested in her all that much, as was the case with the girl I was lamenting only about 4 months ago. Indeed, my friends would even ask me “Do you even like her?” How is it that I could lament over a girl I don’t even like? Apparently that’s what was happening, and it took a ditched pre-arranged outing for me to realize she really wasn’t worth that kind of attention. (Not to say that she couldn’t be a good friend. I have zero attraction for this girl now, but I’ll talk to her still, because she’s good to talk to about mundane stuff. But I digress…)
…
The Internet Archive Wayback Machine is a wondrous piece of internet technology. Not so much for the way it works, but more for what it does. Specifically, it let me see a few of my blog posts from 2003. Even then I was lamenting girls, and reading one of the snapshots made me find this little gem:
“Well I did it. (September 7, 2003, 2:52 AM)
I finally asked her out using my signature move — “the truth”. I just went up to her and didn’t even screw with a menu or order anything, but I just asked her if she would be in West LA this Monday. And she said “oh… no. Why?” Then I told her that I was wondering if she wanted to have lunch on Monday since I would be at a client site doing some work in the area. She then told me that she had class all day up to 7PM.
Oh well, right? I said “Okay then. Maybe some other time.” and she said “yeah, sure”
In any case, I felt alot better after I asked her, even if she did say no. At least I’m not wondering if she would ever do anything with me anymore. It kinda sucks that I’m learning these courting/dating lessons a little late, as I would think most folks learn this shit late in high school or early in their college years. But I suppose if I don’t start now I’ll just be debilitated for that much longer. Here’s to life!
-TJ”
Funny how history tends to repeat itself. If I don’t keep trying, I won’t keep learning, and I’m going to wind up one of those poor assholes that marry the first girl that says yes to them. I think I’m learning, at least, that if I hold myself back it tends to be worse in the long-run than if I just go balls-out in a blaze of glory. So for CSS I did the right thing, and for P I did the right thing. I was true to my self, and if I just happen to be a passionate person then so be it, that’s who I am. Passionate about girls I like, passionate about causes I believe in, passionate about the people and ideals I am willing to protect with my life. My passion is the fire that boils the water that makes the steam that causes the engine and (Psycho)GEARS to turn. The day I stop being passionate is the day I take life for granted… I hope that day never comes.
-TJ