Another year, another chance to change for the better Click here to comment

Who needs a new year to make resolutions?

I’ve resolved that 2007 will be the year I make major strides towards being a grown-up. I think before I’ve been resisting the help that my parents have been so willing to give me, thinking that if I get things done the hard way it will give me character. But now I’ve realized that I can’t help who I am, or what I have, and I shouldn’t beat myself up because I feel bad about accepting money from my folks. I’ve always told myself that I need to play with the cards I’m dealt, but I guess this whole time I’ve been refusing to play the Aces that the dealer has constantly been giving me.

That ended today. I called my parents for the first time to ask for money for a non-emergency purpose… paying for school. Of course, I felt bad, but I got over it because this is the card that I’ve been dealt… I have parents that want to help me through any school I want to go through. They want to see me grow to be extraordinarily self-sufficient, and I’ll be damned if I don’t follow through with that hope. So, I will make sure that the $1 they invest in my education today will turn into $100 for their future grandchildren. God willing.

Love. Another area of my life where I really need to grow up. I called P today to ask if we could hang out, and of course she said only if I could be civil about it, i.e. not pester her about being an item. I made it through leave and today not feeling the loneliness I was perceiving before I left to go home in December, and I think a large part of that was due to the fact that I’m coming to terms with the realization I made 2 months ago, that I will probably have a hard time finding a girl that I like that will like me back, and that I should expect to meet many misses before I meet the right Ms. So with P, I told her that if she doesn’t want me to chase her, I will not chase, because such is life, and I’ll eventually meet someone–

(Interruption: “Someone” just sent me an email haha… go figure.)

–who will like me, and I will like her, and it will be 95% good (can’t be all good, nothing in life is perfect). What I want with P is that we become good, close friends, as I think we have alot we can learn from each other, not to mention that as far as I know neither of us have a good, close, local friend that we can confide in. For her, I want to be a man that won’t try to take advantage of her, and for me, I want her to be someone I can bounce my ideas and conceptions off of, to see what she thinks of them. I think God will grant us this relationship, because in my heart I believe it would be good. I am honest, and she needs honesty. She is patient, and I need someone who will bear me when I make my mistakes.
So anyway, I’m starting to finally feel a little tuckered out. I guess I had alot of this important-to-me stuff on my brain and I had to put it down lest I forget and begin repeating history… again. Part of growing up apparently is remembering the mistakes I’ve made for the purposes of learning from them, and not for beating myself up on how I could have done things differently.

-TJ