Hoooah!
Without joe it takes me about 2 or more hours for my engines to warm up, but today I’m kicking at 40 mins, which is just about as much time as it takes me to get ready to go to work on my days on. I think the little coffee maker I got myself yesterday will improve my life a few notches, since I usually have a great day when I start it hitting the ground running. Let’s see what I can accomplish around here today, my first and primary task is to clean up this pigsty of an apartment. Nothing gross, but lots of clutter…
Thing is, I haven’t really decided where to put all my non-stowed items–thus their current state of being non-stowed. Great example of such are the 4 small boxes of clothes that I haven’t figured out where to put… until yesterday, that is. I had two of these stackable mini-shelves that I hadn’t bothered to put together since I got them two years ago after coming back from mrmmrrm hrrmm. I put them together finally yesterday and now have alot more shelf space to put the rest of my shit. Then I gotta put away my bags and stuff from my trip to SF this last weekend (Thanks Law and Cookie for hosting me!)
Last two days I’ve been thinking about my future… nothing real different from the previous 100 days before it, as I’ve been worrying alot as of late about what I’m going to do come this October 2008 when my current work contract expires. But I’ve started worrying about finding a girlfriend again… something I haven’t done since I stopped seeing the last chick I was seeing. I think the short of it is that whenever I feel a bit overwhelmed I tend to retreat to my computer and start tooling around with it… something I’ve known for a while but have refused to admit to myself and others. It’s the reason I can’t program when I had wanted to program, or the reason for all my self-contradictory actions in the past few months. It’s my fault, and I’m done with self-pity and being afraid to move forward, the way I keep telling everyone else around me to do.
It makes sense, though… for all my friends who are in changing situations (a few of my friends have or are moving for work soon) I am always excited for them and find myself wishing change upon myself, never actually understanding that the power to do so has always lay within me, and I just have to get off my ass and do it. I know I knew this before, but somehow over the last few years I’ve lost that realization.
I started it, though. Yesterday I went to Walmart and bought all this shit that I kept telling myself I was saving up for… enablers, if you will. Well I finally decided to buy them–pots, pans, said coffee maker, and a rice cooker. Scratch one off my list:
Being able to cook for myself–check.
So what remains?
- Maintain a clean apartment
- Draft and refine resume for next year
- Make progress on my MMO (shh)
- Take classes, go to seminars, actually be busy
That’s my personal list, anyway.
Well, it’s time for me to start my day… enough yapping here. TTYL.
-O
I feel cleaner… just got paid, and took care of my credit card balances and set aside enough to pay rent and utilities for the month.
Today being a day off for me I took to tooling around with GIMP on my Ubuntu-powered laptop. I made the beginnings of my desktop background. I’ve recently been inspired by the game Uplink where you (fictitiously) hack into servers and do hacking jobs for Uplink Corp, while employing tunnels and stuff to decrease your risk of being detected… totally fake but looks like the cool Hollywood-style of hacking. Anyway, I made this:
I just took one of my quotes and turned it into a stream of ASCII bytes, then took a simple traceroute and put it up there at a different perspective. I’m trying to figure out what else to add to it that’s not too difficult to get… maybe like a netstat or something. I was thinking of having some kind of headline and then translations into russian, arabic, chinese, and korean below it… but I’ll save that for later.
Time to see what else I can play with.
-TJ
Aaaaalright.
It’s funk time. I’m in a funk. I’ve been wanting to code, but I look at gvim and all I see is an empty screen, and I have no idea what I want to do with it.
I look to the future, and all I see is me trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.
I feel alone, but when I go to a public place I always keep to myself.
I’ve figured out that I’m on the verge of a breakthrough/breakdown–or rather, breakdown/breakthrough–and I am scared/excited.
Dear God, if you don’t answer any other prayer for me, help me figure out what I want to do with my life.
-TJ
So I just got Meet the Robinsons and The 40-Year-Old Virgin in the mail… last week. I watched Meet the Robinsons maybe a day or two ago, and The 40-Year-Old Virgin just now. So yeah, I gotta get these movies.
Meet the Robinsons was pretty cool… I liked the optimistic future and how all the time-travelling ended up making sense in the end. Especially the whole “Keep Moving Forward” thing… that was awesome, and I wish I could maintain that kind of optimism. I get stuck in games and buying stuff that I feel like I’ve been in exactly the same place as I was when I first came here.
The 40-Year-Old Virgin was a cool movie after all. “After all”, as in I dreaded watching it for the longest time up until I finally got it in the mail and put it in my computer just 2 hours ago. I dreaded it when it was coming out, and I dreaded it even more when I heard my coworkers laughing at it, because I thought they were laughing at Andy being a virgin. But now that I watched it, it was actually pretty sweet, and Andy maintained his integrity until the right time.
Why did I dread the thought of watching this movie, you may ask?
…
Figure it out.
There you go.
And yes, I know I am a rare breed.
-TJ
Here’s an interesting read I came upon my Google RSS reader tonight. I got it from blography, who in turn got it from Craigslist. Here’s the text:
Jesus wants you to fuck me
Date: 2005-03-10, 11:35AM CSTYou’re a really, really sweet girl. I knew when I met you at that party last year that you were different, but I wan’t sure how. You were really hot, one of the only other sober people there, and you speak spanish, which I enjoy thoroughly. We had a nice chat, I got your number and my friend Anne has emailed me no less than three times telling me you ask about me a lot. I was psyched to meet up with you the other night, and you looked so hot, again.But your a Jesus freak. I mean, I know about the guy, and I think it’s cool to have a spritual side and all, but you’re really all about him, aren’t you? It took about 5 minutes for me to realize that we were going to talk about god all night. And I really tried to sympathize with your faith that Jesus gave you a second chance at life after a rough childhood. I was struggling to find encouraging things to say, and I held my toungue pretty well. But here’s the deal:
I don’t believe in god, babe. Nope, not even an inkling. I’m what you call an Atheist, because your organization needs a word to describe people who don’t believe what you believe. Atheist is a newer, kinder word. I would have been a heretic, sinner, witch, blasphemer or satanist had we met in another century, but now, I’m an atheist. Or secular humanist, or, as I like to say, normal. And, sadly, you’re in a cult. A Messianic cult, which may be better than some other cults, but it’s still a cult, and you’re completely brainwashed. I mean, there’s very little room in your thinking for any kind of science, let alone philosophy or literature that isn’t written in praise of your Leader, and that just sucks, conversationally speaking. I mean we can’t really talk about anything without your ultimate arbiter coming into play, at which point the conversation is over. Here’s an example from the other night:
Me: Yeah, there was another protest about same sex marriage downtown today, I checked it out.
You: Well homosexuality is a sin against god’s plan, you know.
Me: Right. More wine?
What do I say then? You trump everything with the J man, and I have to change the subject, because to debate the issue is to bring up your faith, which is pretty much not debatable. I mean, sure, I could just say I believe this because a magic pie I worship tells me so, but where would that leave us? Pretty much right here.
The toughest part is, all of your holiness is really getting in the way of my porno titfuck fantasy of you. I mean, I really want to do this, it’s completely absorbing my thoughts lately, but I feel like Jesus is standing between me and my desire to make love to your breasts. I can almost see his face right in your cleavage saying, No! You will not fuck these titties, non-believer!
So, since nobody really knows what Jesus would do anyway, I’m enlisting the Son of God to get me on your tits. And here’s my plan: I’m going to play along with your Jesus land fanstasy for a bit, and slowly convince you that, yes, Jesus wants us to get freaky. Any act that inspires you to yell his name in ecstasy HAS to be god’s will. So, baby, let’s fuck for Jesus.
Amen.
this is in or around Loop
-TJ
P.S.: For the record, I’m Catholic, and I have faith that God has a sense of humor, otherwise I myself would have been struck down dead a long time ago for saying stuff as fucked up as this, if not even worse.
