My values, my goals, and my future girl.

I had to do it. Had to hit you with the double-post.

As I stated previously, I just witnessed my cousin wed the girl of his dreams this weekend in San Jose, CA. As this is a significant event in one’s life, all relatives on both sides of the union gathered, and I ran into people that I guess I really needed to hear from.

The first was Dad, and I said in the previous posting what I talked to him about, which got my mind right and put things in perspective once again.

The second was Kuya M. I’m not so much blood-related to him, as rather his is married to my aunt. But I had gotten to talking to him, and of course he asks me if I’m getting married soon… not in the “you’re next, of course” kind of way, but just as a curious question (to which the answer is “no” as of the current date). I told him I couldn’t really find anyone, and that I was starting to get worried because I’m 28 as of this Friday and I haven’t managed to meet the right girl as of yet. And Kuya M tells me that I’m fine, and that it’s worse to be one of the guys who consider having intimate relations with a girl akin to masturbating. Normally Kuya M clowns around alot, but this moment of clear advice gave me strength to live on with my own standards, which admittedly unfortunately erode to points of insanity between visits back home, as in I thought I was insane for hoping and praying for the smart, kind, patient, and beautiful girl who hasn’t already been married/divorced/had children/become jaded.

The third, Kuya R. It’s hard to believe that in 2008, in our era of post Sex-in-the-City liberation, that there are still people who are old fashioned and believe in making relationships by becoming best friends first before becoming in love and eventually married, and not fooling around otherwise. I’ve felt the lure, and I’m unfortunately not perfect… I never made it home, per se, but I’ve gotten around a few of the bases (To my credit, the times I’ve approached that threshold I’ve always felt horrible and cancelled the relationship, so I guess there’s hope for my wreched soul yet). There have been times when I lost sight of that ideal relationship with the ideal girl… I guess I’m a passionate guy and I tend to let the flames get a hold of me whenever they actually show up. Anyway, the details of what Kuya R told me aren’t relevant, but the conversation we had gave me hope that I’ll find that girl with old-fashioned values as of yet, with the patience, kindness and humility that I desperately need in her.

And to that end, I need to deserve her. I need that girl, but in turn I must deserve to find her. I think alot of the reason why I haven’t met her yet is that God knows I’m not yet ready. I’m still getting my life on track, up to where I’m supposed to be. He knows what I’ve been praying for my whole life, and He knows that I shouldn’t find that girl until I become the man that deserves such a woman. I think I have a good amount of major flaws that I need to work on, and alot of things I have yet to define about myself.

So I guess I need to ask you, reader, to pray with me, for me, because Lord knows I need all the help I can get. God, if you read blogs (which you probably do), help me to be totally honest to myself and to others, because as much as I think I’m “brutally honest” I admittedly don’t admit really difficult things to myself, and I can’t grow if I don’t acknowledge what I need to fix. God, you’ve given me the foundation through my mom and dad, and I am eternally greatful. Please give me the strength and patience to build upon that foundation and become my own man, able to stand on my own and provide the support my present and future family will need of me. Give me the courage to overcome the fear that keeps me paralyzed and stops me from making the moves that I need to be making to reach that end of true independent maturity… security and faith in oneself, and altruism and patience to give to everyone around me.