GIRLS! I rawr them! :), :(, :.(, :D, >:[

Ladies and… well, ladies.

I’m a good guy. I swear. I possess a heart of a hurricane, encased in a 3-foot-thick steel wall… that’s what comes to mind when I think about my personality.

I live by my conscience. When I’d break my own rules and act against my values, in the past it would physically hurt me. Now, I just try to make sure I do what I should be doing, and I don’t ever catch myself thinking “Oh, I should have blah blah blah…”

I’ve been thinking the past two weeks, what is my problem? Why am I so scared to talk to a girl that I want to chat up? Lately it’s been because I don’t want to ask “Hey, are you over 18?” I think part of my problem is that I look way younger than my age. I think that’s been my problem all these years of me trying to get attention from the females that I thought I wanted to talk to… they all think I’m way too young for them. Like I really can’t figure it out, how can some older fat dude get a hot minx for a girlfriend, and here I am busting my balls, working an honest living, and I don’t really look half bad, I’m not poor, and yet I can’t get even a bad date from any girl that I try to talk to.

I’ve heard I’m intimidating from one of my female friends… I have like 2 good ones that I’ve grown to trust and respect more than the average person. But I think also that I tend to size up girls… as a habit, and they see that I’m doing this. I don’t look at how big a girl’s chest or butt is… I mean, I notice, don’t get me wrong, but if anything it’s a fleeting moment of attention. I tend to pay more attention to subtle muscle movements in the face, body language, and vocal tone when they talk. Is she easily bored? Do she expect alot, as in habitually performing the action of “expecting” things only to be let down when things don’t go exactly as she hoped? Is she genuinely nice, or is she nice out of habit? Does she have passion in her heart, or is she just part of the city backdrop? Subtle things like how wide her eyes are, if she’s just looking or actually seeing? Is she even looking for a guy like I’m looking for a girl? It sounds crazy, but this is what I think about literally right after I decide if she’s cute or not, which is usually like a microsecond. I’m guessing I don’t even get to the questions on the female end of things… most girls decide I don’t look like your typical American man, and I’m not the kind to randomly chat up strangers who are busy going about their day. She’s got places to go, and I for one don’t want to be an obstacle that she has to surmount just to go about her business. If she’s looking for someone, she’ll say so. Just like me.

Anyway, just a couple thoughts on my girl situation. We’ll see how things work out in Dayton, OH, because I’m going to be celibate except for random masturbation for the next 6 months.

Yeah, I said it. Don’t cringe… you either do it, or you lie and you say you don’t. But that’s for another topic, another time.