one of many in the wild, wild net.

http://picasaweb.google.com/psychogears

I’m putting pictures here now.

- Plan ahead, organize thoughts, lay out a strategy to engage in any problem that comes my way.

- Lose my gut Go to the gym and sweat 5 times a week to become stronger, faster, and more durable.

- Buy a house – consult with USAA, make a plan on how to do this by April.

- Enroll in grad program for Computer Science and Engineering, or something close to it.

- Eliminate any reason for me to frown in public.  I should be having the time of my life, why do I feel lost?  Again?

- Buy the goddamn Rosetta Stone for either French or Russian and learn a new language.  Finally.

- Don’t get paralyzed by the act of planning.  Make a best effort, then execute.

One day, I’m going to wake up.  I’m going to look in the mirror.  And I will look my age.

Before that happens, I need to do everything that I want to get done while I’m still young.  I need to make more friends, do more things, get out more.  I need to hit on more girls, get rejected, and learn to deal with it.  I need to grow a thick(er) skin.

Pretty girl never fell for timid man.

-TJ

I had a whole article written out to point out the discrepancies between two accounts of essentially the same thing–Ft. Hood coverage between cnn.com and foxnews.com.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/09/fort.hood.shootings/index.html

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,573547,00.html

Read it and see for yourself… I miss objective news with just the facts.  CNN does a better job of this than Fox News in this case.  CNN’s sources are official, Fox News uses anonymous sources and digs into the guy’s past to find a man relaying a certain perspective of the Major.  Personally, I think this is just a case of a man who lost his shit and happened to be Muslim.  In any case, I would pay attention to Fox News if they spent more time backing up their statements with facts and less time quoting hearsay and opinions from the background while making sure the word “Obama” is posted prominently next to each piece of negative press they have, no matter how unrelated or unattributable that news piece is to our President.  (“Obama Ignores Terror at His Own Peril” appears right next to a bunch of Ft. Hood articles on Fox News–I assume that’s deliberate article placement and not just a website design coincidence.)

Anyway, I have to go to work.

-TJ

So I watched this movie, and I only have a few things to say about it:

- There were a couple points in the movie I laughed, not because it was funny, but because there were some random “What the Fuck?” moments. If you see this movie, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

- It was obvious that, for a movie about a secret Army project, they didn’t have a military consultant. The movie opens up to a man with two stars on his collar, and the words “Brigadier General” in subtitles underneath his name.

- Finally, the whole movie is pretty much anti-war. There’s a really good point in the movie, though, where one of the the protagonists, who is American, apologizes for a shooting that happens in an Iraqi friend’s town, and says that he hopes the Iraqi doesn’t think that all Americans are like that–in turn, the Iraqi man apologizes for a recent kidnapping, and hopes the Americans don’t think all Iraqis are like that… I personally liked that part. Army soldiers on LSD in 2009… not so much. (This isn’t the view of the Air Force… just a view of one guy who happens to be in the Air Force.)

Anyway, I don’t recommend this movie to anyone. Good night.

-TJ

Not enough action.  This weekend, it will be about action.

I’m devoting this weekend to improving my quality of life.  I’m cleaning the crib, and organizing all my personal to-do list items.  I’m spending too much time procrastinating, not getting anything done.  End post.

-TJ

So I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.  Months.  Since halfway through OTS, really.  How should one view the heirarchy of military rank?  I’ve seen it two ways.  One is where the Commander leads from the front, providing guidance to his troops, directing them to pursue the vision and mission in his mind which he constantly communicates to his unit.  The other is where the Commander lets his unit know that he is there to serve the unit, that from his level in the organization he has a strategic view and upward reach to help lower tiers of the unit succeed in accomplishing their parts of the mission.  Both of these views have their merits, and both are accurate portrayals of military heirarchy.

I would like to suggest to the internetosphere a conclusion that I’ve reached since pondering this subject from January of this year.  I think the men and women that make up the armed forces should consider themselves standing side-by-side.  All people in the military are of equal worth, from the day zero basic trainee just getting off the bus at Lackland to the distinguished, wisened General at the sunset of their career.  Enlisted and Officers have their roles to play in the organization.  I had a group commander once give propers to his troops, the 150 or so enlisted troops staring back at him, for getting the mission done.  “Without you, there is no mission” is what he said.  True.  Without the commander, there is no defined mission or vision–also true.  What I’ve figured is that we all have our AORs that are important.  As an Airman First Class, they put me on a team of maintainers in charge of keeping a multi-million dollar proprietary piece of shit, and we all had our roles to play.  I was in charge of learning the skills needed to maintain the thing, then to be an active maintainer of said thing.  I had my AOR.  My AOR involved being highly technically knowledgeable on the inner workings of the thing, down to what wires provided what shape and frequency of signals to what ports–and folks, there were lots of wires.  We also had to be highly knowledgeable on the processes and procedures when dealing with maintenance of the thing… and in some respects I hated this even more than having to be technically knowledgeable, because the processes and procedures were not based on science but rather the amount of procedural rigor the designers of the procedure wanted us to practice… I just had to know alot of “crap”.  And all this was in my AOR as an A1C.  As I earned rank as an enlisted troop, I was charged with the above but also growing levels of peer leadership, mentoring, and eventually supervision of Airmen.

Anyway, before I digress even further, let’s get back to the topic.  My AOR now is kinda similar to what it was when I was an A1C, mostly learning, and as an officer being the POC for some high-need resource in the organization… the “go-to guy”, if you will.  Snack-O, although a ridiculous title for a ridiculous job which is to keep our unit snack bar stocked with items the unit’s members actually want and raise money for presents for people going away, promotion, retirement, etc., is under my AOR.  Being a PTL, in charge of leading the unit through PT sessions and monitoring various physical fitness stats, is also under my AOR.  And at the core of my purpose-of-being here in Ohio are my responsibilities as the engineer for the IPT in charge of running a contract for the F-15C MTC–I am responsible for getting myself up-to-speed on the technical aspects of this contract to be able to provide answers to my PM and our bosses, but also to know people who know answers to those questions in the (quite commonly occuring) case I don’t personally know the definitive answer to a technical question.  I once revealed an epiphany to my friend VC over at Living Out Of The Box, that I realized alot of being an officer meant knowing who knew the answer, if I didn’t already personally have the answer.  If I didn’t know, I would know someone or would find someone who knew.

Which brings me to the group commander.  Past and present, the commander doesn’t exist by himself.  He has a vision and a mission, but he can’t do the job alone.  He has resources–people at his front office, people outside on the floor, making the mission happen, day-to-day.  Additionally, he has people higher up in the organization that he reports to.  His AOR may be large, but his actual effective reach is with his team of folks that execute based off of his guidance.  And people higher than him depend on him to give direction below, and honest assessment and status reports above, so that decisions higher than him can be made based on accurate and timely information.

Friends, I see this as a side-by-side level of egality.  We all have our roles to play, with varying degrees of technical knowledge and personal authority.  As one grows in rank, technical knowledge will go down, and personal authority will go up.  I expect and depend upon my current commander to provide me with guidance on what my unit is trying to achieve–I don’t expect him to know the technical details of my F-15C MTC contract better than I do… I expect him to ask me to get that knowledge.  Not to say that he shouldn’t know more than me as the lead engineer, but if he had to ask me for his own situational awareness… that’s my job.  That’s my AOR.  I don’t expect him, in matters regarding physical fitness, to know the BMI measurements of all of his troops off the top of his head… I expect him to get that information from me as the PTL.  Again, my AOR.  It’s his responsibility to make sure his troops are fit to fight.  It’s my responsibility to arm him with the data to execute that part of the mission.  We all have our AORs.

I hope I’m communicating this correctly.  We are all ultimately equally important, and I’m not talking about potential, but the here-and-now.  An Airman guards the gate in the dead of night… important task.  A services troop cooks eggs precisely to-order at the DFAC… important task.  Honor Guard renders the proper respects to the dead during a military burial… important task.  Current leaders eventually move on to other opportunities, and new leaders step into their place… we are all replaceable, and the mission eventually gets done.  Everyone in the military is in charge of something, and we all report to someone, from the day-zero Airman Basic to the SECAF.

Anyway, these are just some observations I’ve made to date.  If I think of anything else, I’ll let you know.

-TJ

So I haven’t mentioned any progress on my health endeavors as of late. Just a quick update, I hit perfect attendance about a month ago, I think. I feel like it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been going to the gym 5 times a week consistently, but it may just be 2. I discovered hash running 2 weeks ago, did run #1 at John Bryan State Park here in OH lead by a duo dubbed “Penishead” and “Bermuda Triangle”. Met alot of good folks that day, and discovered that some of them I’ve seen around on base but never really took notice… imagine my shock when we meet a guy named “Bitch Whisperer” and he waves me down at the gym during the subsequent week… I had to think really hard when that happened, but I figured out who he was. Good guy. Good guys and gals. All of them.

What else. I had a running joke for about a week when I told my friend RG (here at WPAFB, not at PAFB) that I lost 2 inches off my waist during a Saturday workout, then subsequently told him again that I lost 2 inches off my waist during a Saturday workout not even an hour later. When he told me “you lost 2 inches off your waist? Yeah, you told me that not even 30 minutes ago,” then it became a joke to tell him a few times a day, sometimes twice or three times in a row… I harass people up here, it’s what I do.

Anyway, life’s been overall good. I worked out with my PT last week (or maybe it was 2 weeks ago?) and she changed up my regimen. I’m also taking some whey protein before going to the gym now. I remember I used to live with a girl who was a former body builder, and she was all into this stuff. I used to look at this barrel of whey powder and think she was nuts and/or hardcore at body building. She was, but the powder itself is just protein, and just a highly efficient way to take in nutrients at that. So now I just drink 1 serving of this stuff about 45 mins before I work out, then I work out when all the protein is floating around in my blood… or something. I don’t know quite how it works, despite RG’s best efforts to explain it to me–I was paranoid at first because I saw the word “creatine” in the ingredient list and I thought I’d be ruining my liver if I didn’t take this stuff correctly. Anyway, no allergic reactions, no blood in my pee, so far so good.

I think my next step is to get organized, then go to school. I need to start planning out my next long-term plan. Having commissioned just this last February, I achieved something that I previously thought was not within my reach, and now I really don’t know what to do with myself. People tell me “school”, “masters”, “vectoring”, blah blah blah… I’m going to do this on my own terms, as I always have. I work with a bunch of great, bright people, and they’ve been giving me insights to officer development, and there are some interesting things out there that I may be looking into in the future.

That’s it for now. I’ve got to go to bed… tomorrow, as every day, I’ll be learning a bit more about defense acquisition. This is one charlie foxtrot of a system we have, but it’s the best we can do, and only through learning about it as it is now will I be able to contribute to streamlining and improving it in the future.

-TJ

Some mostly robotic or highly armored aliens have arrived, and are sitting around a circular meeting table with one of my bosses at work.  My boss has a very stern look, like he’s deep in thought.  I read “Well… this is a fucked up situation.  What are we going to do now?” from the look on his face.

The aliens apparently have come to take alot of people with them–not sure what for, slavery comes to mind–and we are actualy given a few hours to prepare to leave.  I thought we were being taken away to be servants because a black guy in my dream–another fellow abductee, and some kind of scientist–started humming “Wade in the Water”. I’m one of the people that are going to be abducted, but I’m not running away because the alternative is to stay behind and be destroyed.  One of the thoughts that cross my mind: all the things I was previously worried about don’t matter anymore, and all I want to do is call my family back home to let them know I was ok and to say goodbye.  In my dream I’m already planning how humanity will overcome this situation… I would do my best, and encourage those around me, to silently learn the technology these aliens possess and analyze for weakness while doing their bidding, and in a few years when the time is right we would use their tools and weapons against them.  Another weird thing… all the abductees were all scientists and engineers from what I could tell, and I felt others yet were all highly educated… and then there’s me.  I have no idea how I fit in there, but I guess it’s because I know a little bit about stuff.  I was boarding their vessel with everyone else, walking up a long ramp into something that looked like… an ark.

Then I woke up, and was thankful I’d been dreaming about the whole thing… it was something between a bad dream and a crazy dream.  It was a dream, though, because for a moment there I thought “Well… I guess we don’t have to worry about 2012, because apparently the world is ending tonight.”

Hay-soos. So if life was an MMO game, then I “dinged” 7 hours ago. Yes… today is my 29th anniversary of life. I’m waiting to see the text message from my cousin who probably has my birthday on some automatic reminder, followed by a couple of relatives calling me–the only time the whole year they ever do.

Anyway, enough lamentations about yet another forgotten birthday… to be honest, it’s expected. I don’t tell anyone, I don’t celebrate it–at least in the “get drunk” sense. But every year on this day, I review what happened during the last year and see what kind of progress I’m making in life.

So, to recap:
Sept 08 – to borrow an old phrase by RG, “getting short” back at Pete (a.k.a. “senioritis”, short-timers syndrome) in anticipation of OTS. Each morning I was taking a long look at Pike’s peak, thinking about what challenges the next 12 months held. I took a trip to Vegas on my motorcycle, with a tent, sleeping bag, and 4 days worth of clothes strapped to the back. I still wish I took that road trip with friends, but opportunities for adventure wait for no one, and I’m still glad to have made that journey… even if Vegas sucked $800 out of me.  Girl status? Zero prospects, one mad at me.  What can you do?

Oct 08 – I drove home, experiencing a busted tire on an interstate in Denver during rush hour and having to change it out with my spare… one of the scarier things I’ve done in life. Same drive home, I actually ran out of gas on a desolate stretch of the I-70 in Utah… right in front of the only gas station for 20 more miles in Thompson, UT. If that’s not proof that God exists, I don’t know what is. I literally coasted on neutral to the pump. The rest of this month was spent at home, not thinking about “the switch” or worrying about anything really. By the end of the month I was ready to go and get drilled down to be built up for the second time in my life.  Girl status? Zero prospects, life is undergoing a tumultuous change, probably not practical to be looking for a relationship right now.

Nov 08 – Saw the first black president elected, and the next morning I was an officer trainee at Maxwell. And… that’s that, because apparently the first rule of OTS is you don’t talk about OTS… and I’ll observe that custom.  Girl status?  A few prospects, but really there’s nothing sexy about OTS.

Dec 08 – Training, actually went home for christmas for 2 weeks.  Was a nice break, but when you’re in training you get wound up real tight, so I was extra careful not to do anything to jeopardize my chance of graduating on time.

Jan 09 – Training… saw Pres Obama get sworn in by an absolutely awful oath-giver.

Feb 09 – End of training… graduated 24 Feb as 2d Lt with a developmental engineer AFSC, drove up to WPAFB on the 25th, signed in on the 26th, found my new apt the following Monday

Mar 09 – Found myself getting thrown into the fire immediately… I lucked out and got assigned to a team that was just getting into some major contract action.  Where alot of 2d Lts will complain that their work is so boring, or there’s nothing to do, I found myself trying to get up to speed with the terms of the current contract, what the current requirements were for my system, etc.  Still working on that to this day… 12 years of history to cover, original contract was signed in 1997.

Apr 09 – ASBC!  This was the first time I’ve been to AETC and it was actually not such a big pain in the ass.  I met all sorts of people, and had a great flight.

May 09 – ASBC ends, sad to part ways with such a great group of people, but that’s military life… you make friends, then you leave them for the next assignment.  Or in my case, back to Wright Patt.

Jun 09 – CORONA TOP, got to hang out with a bunch of CGOs of varying experience and rank, escorted a Colonel-equivalent civilian… was pretty easy overall, even though I was messing up alot of stuff due to lack of planning or anticipation of what-could-go-wrongs.  Live and learn, then do better next year.

Jul 09 – Discovered premature ventricular contractions… checked in to the ER trying to figure out what these thumps in my chest were.  Apparently they’re normal, and some people never notice them.  Mine went away after a week.  This kick-started me into going to the gym and running more, though, so thank God for that.  Hired my personal trainer Marjie from the gym in area B, and she gave me a path to follow.  I’m 60% on that path as of yet, mostly due to failure of diet, and I’m hitting 60% attendance at gym.  Also paid off my car!

Aug 09 – FAM 103, aka my tech school.  Got to hang out with old friends, make new ones.  Also found out one of my ASBC flightmates was coming up to WPAFB.  Girl status? I hadn’t even been thinking about this until lately… too busy with the rest of my life.

Sept 09 – Work is great, and I discovered I can bullshit with the better-than-average of them.  Went to the bar with some friends, and was the only one who even struck up a conversation with a girl I didn’t know.  It was one conversation, but that’s 1000000000000% better than nothing.  Also… I think I’m getting looked at more.  I don’t think I look any different, been going to the gym at least 3 times a week.  But I find I’m not self conscious anymore when I leave the apartment. Girl status? Zero prospects, but, as it is every year, I look forward to what this next year will bring.  It’ll happen when it happens, and if it doesn’t… then that’s life.

I think my resolution for year 29 is to resolve my problems.  If I’m not happy with something BIG in my life, then I’ll take steps to cut that BIG problem down to small bite size pieces, or I’ll take hacks at the BIG problem and whittle it away over time. Right now my frustrations are:

- Girl status.  God help the lady that falls for me, and God help me if I ever find her.  At an age where more and more of my peers are getting married and having babies, I’m still living single wondering when my time will come.

- Gut status.  So gym seems to be working… it’s funny, the other day I was at the gym doing bicep curls, and my upper arms felt strange, so I peeled back my sleeves and saw a bump, it looked like my muscle was bulging… I thought something was wrong initially, then I reailzed that I was working out, had been working out for a few weeks now, and that this is actually what was supposed to happen.  I didn’t realize how alien muscle building was to me until that moment.  I never realized how much I’d like lifting weights, etiher.

- Art status.  So I don’t watch TV, because I don’t want to pay for cable since I’d only watch news and I don’t need yet another reason to be a couch potato.  So to my detriment I find I’m missing popular cultural references of the day.  I play alot of WoW at home, too, because I love game mechanics and exploring game content.  I bought a YPG-635, a “portable grand”.  I went to Guitar Center the other day and fell in love with this thing… it’s a keyboard but it has piano-weighted keys.  It felt the best out of all the keyboards I touched on.  Now I have to go find a piano teacher, or find some sheet music.  Anyway, “art status” I’m remedying by attending orchestral concerts, probably will visit the museum in Indy in the coming months.  Might not help me with the popular cultural references, but at least I’m getting some creativity into my brain.

- House status.  Thinking about it….

Thinking about this though, I think my goals for this year match how I’ve lived my life up to now… expanding my horizons.  I started playing with computers when I was a kid because I didn’t know about them.  I ran a marathon at 15 because I had no idea how hard it would be.  I invited friends to run with me at 16 that year because I had never had friends over my house (I went to a public school in Cerritos while living in LA, I wasn’t supposed to tell people at school about my residential situation).  I had girlfriends in high school because I had no idea what having a relationship was like.  I serenaded my prom date at 17 just to do it… graduated college just to do it, joined the military just to do it, started riding motorcycles just to do it, and commissioned just to do it.  Now I’m working out just to do it, learning to bullshit and casually talk to girls just to do it.  I want to skydive just to do it, get my masters and a PhD, learn to drive a manual transmission rice rocket, get on a sport bike, and stay fit through one year.

And I have to say I’m thankful for this life I live now.  There were times when I had no idea if I’d ever make it to a point where I could consider myself “well off”, but now I feel I’m living comfortably.  Dropping a G on a piano?  No sweat.  Couldn’t have done that back when I was programming for a living.

Anyway, that’s it for now.  We’ll see how I go towards these goals this year… it looks like there’s alot on my plate, I should probably get started.  Like, now.

-TJ